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The Time I Saved My Life

December 15, 2010

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“Walking down narrow sidewalk towards my bus stop, I brace myself from the impact soon to come. Shit. It always happens to me. The inconspicuous pieces of black ice meticulously unnoticeable amongst the glistened white snow catches me off guard. I stumble, but never will myself to fall and kiss the earth. No, I can not. My ivory jacket is too clean and my hands do not deserve to drop the coffee with which I desperately need this morning. I quickly regain my posture, straighten my scarf, and sigh. Signs of a long day and a longer week”.

 

 

Looking through my old journals, I came across stories written years ago. The stories told of the many perspectives and channeling ideas I thought during my teenage years. The most critical years of development, I spent in writing. A cathartic form of expression, writing saved my life. If I were to tell of all I have encountered to get to where I am today, let’s just say I’ve become a goddess through failing. I haven’t made the best decisions, I can count the number of bad ones still trying to haunt me. I won’t allow it. If it is one thing I learned this year, it is that through that failing I’ve found my footing. In my footing I see my potential, and in my potential I cannot be stifled. As the year is winding down, most seem to self-reflect on what has brought them thus far. I find the cold Winter months warrant me to run around in an attempt to stay as warm as possible. I fill my black Moleskin notebook with events, discussions, classes and shows all so I’m never bored and alone. One night I sat in bed with the lights off, candles burning, snuggled under my comforters as my apartment was filled with a slight Winter chill.  I thought of the things that made me most happy, and could only smile as I realized I’m living my best life. No longer afraid or worried about the what ifs and what could have been, the path I’m choosing to take is directly created for me and by me.

 

No matter what your past is, your present is, you define yourself for who you are.

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